


Of Old Memories And Future Moments

by irphanfic



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, M/M, PINOF8, Phil Is Not On Fire 8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 03:24:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11004954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irphanfic/pseuds/irphanfic
Summary: “Rummage inside Phil’s bedside drawer‘‘ it said. Oh no. What would have happened if Dan had found something more interesting than a lip-balm inside Phil’s bedside drawer?





	Of Old Memories And Future Moments

**Author's Note:**

> Hi to you all! I want you to know that english is not my first language so I apologize if you find any typos or mistakes, my fics are only proofread by me so I'm sorry. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy my stories and any type of feedback is welcome!

They had been filming Phil Is Not On Fire 8 for some time when…

’‘Wait a minute, wait a minute,” Dan said, pulling Phil aside so he could read the screen better “Rummage inside Phil’s bedside drawer, okay!” he exclaimed, rapidly moving towards it while Phil repeatedly saying “no” and trying to stop his friend.

Dan opened it and found a lip-balm which he picked up and exageratedly spoke to Phil, “How pale are you?”

Phil didn’t even have time to respond before Dan threw the lip-balm inside the drawer again and searched for something more he could show to the camera.

The black haired boy was still, not even daring to move a muscle. He wanted to stop Dan before he found something he didn’t really want him to see but it was too late.

“Phil, why…?” Dan looked at him, two pieces of a ripped photo on his hands, which he slowly put together to properly see the picture.

It was a photo of them back in 2012, before everything went down. It was a selfie of both of them, happily smiling at the camera while Dan’s hand squeezed both of their faces together. He remembers it well.

_They had been a surprisingly warm Autumn day and they had been sightseeing London for hours when they stopped in Hyde Park for a rest, the sun was setting and not many people where there, only a few birds tweets could be heard. They sat under a tree, their thights touching while their backs were resting against the tree trunk, a pile of orange and red leaves around them._

_“Let’s take a selfie to remember this day…” Dan said, taking the pocket size digital camera they had been carrying around all day._

_Phil leaned a bit closer so he could fit into the frame, not really wanting to invade Dan’s personal space. Even though they had been together for a few years, he knew Dan didn’t like getting his personal space invaded, and he respected it._

_“Phil, don’t be silly, get closer!” Dan laughed at him, one of his hands reaching his cheek to squish their faces together, not a centimetre left between them. Phil felt relieved and he finally allowed himself to smile properly before a flashing light blinded him._

_He didn’t even have time to change his pose when he saw another flash of light, this time Dan’s lips on his cheek, giving him a peck._

_“I really want to print these two, I really like them… what do you think Phil?” Dan’s voice brough him back to earth, shaking his head a bit and looking at the camera screen. They really were good photos._

_“Yeah, I like them too. We look so happy, you make me so happy…” Phil whispered, giving Dan a peck on the cheek as the brown haired had done a few moments ago._

_“You make me happy too…” Dan told him before kissing him hard against the tree trunk. Their kiss only ended when the last sun rays soaking their faces faded away, letting them know that the day was over even if they didn’t want it to end._

“Dan…” Phil’s timid voice brought him back to the moment they were now. Dan looked at him and then back at the picture which he still had in his hands, sad and hurtful memories clouding his mind now. His eyes were starting to water, not really wanting to recall the horrible argument that lead them to their break-up back in 2012, and how Dan had ripped that picture…

_It was to much. The pressure was to much. After the “Valentine’s Video” had leaked a few days ago Dan couldn’t handle the comments he was receiving. He couldn’t imagine this was happening. And yes, in his mind it was all Phil’s fault, even though deep down he knew it wasn’t but he didn’t have anyone else to blame that’s why he was screaming at him right now._

_“Why did you even film that stupid video?” his voice sounded around the living room while he paced around._

_Phil didn’t even respond, to scared to confront Dan, so he just shrugged his shoulders, making him smaller in the sofa seat._

_“You knew I wasn’t ready to come out, and yet you outed us with that video! What made you think you had the right to do that, eh?” Dan’s face was red, he was angrier that he had ever been._

_This time Phil tried to defend himself, “Because you are my boyfriend and I wanted to thank you and show how much I love you, that’s why I made the video and it leaked because of a YouTube glitch, it wasn’t my fault!”_

_Dan wasn’t listening as he was too angry to think clearly, he was still conviced Phil had made this all happen._

_“Well, it’s a strange way to show how much you love me, making a video of pure bullshit so everyone can know what a happy couple we are when we aren’t!” Dan said, grabbing the photo of them squeezing their faces together that was resting in the bookshelf and shoving it into Phil’s face before ripping it in half and throwing the pieces onto the floor._

_Phil’s face fell as soon as he saw Dan ripping the picture. He looked at the pieces that were now lying on the floor before speaking up “Are you not happy with me?”_

_“What?” Phil’s question took him surprisedly, he didn’t expect to hear that from the blue eyed._

_“Are you not happy with me? I don’t want to be the one who makes unhappy, you don’t deserve that…” Phil spoke, his timid voice was loud enough so Dan could hear it._

_“Damnit Phil! No, I’m not happy! I told you I was but no, I’m not and I don’t think I have ever been” Dan lied, still angered about the video thing, wanting to hurt Phil as much as he had hurt him, even though it was not the same._

_Phil let a tear slide down his cheek and quickly cleaned it with his hand, hoping Dan didn’t notice. And he was right, because Dan keept screaming at him._

_“I tried to be happy but you just keep doing things that made me wonder why do I like you! This was the last straw Phil… We should break up.” Dan’s last words were almost quiet, he didn’t meant to voice those word. They were a lie. But his brain  and his anger weren’t cooperating._

_Phil lifted his head and looked at his brown eyes, “let me fix this, you are my best friend too, I cannot lose you Dan…” he pleaded him, taking a few steps forward and trying to grab his hands, but thinking it twice about it Phil retracted them to the side._

_Dan considered what Phil was asking him. He didn’t really want to lose his best friend either. So he took a deep breath and responded “let me think about it, and yes, you are gonna fix this because if you don’t we are done.”_

_And with that Dan left the room, letting Phil sat back down on the sofa with his head buried in his hands before picking up the ripped picture and saving it in his bedside drawer, where he knew Dan would never find it._

Dan remembers now how Phil had stayed days and nights trying to take down every single video and hurtful comment that he could find, trying to fix it. To fix them. He also recalls Phil’s voice, asking for forgiveness and trying to get back together, but Dan couldn’t handle it. Not anymore. He was still angry at Phil, angry at himself, for being insecure, for not trusting him enough. So, not really wanting to lose Phil he agreed to stay as friends until today.

“Dan…” the blue eyed’s voice brought him back to reality, fixing his gaze in the clear blue orbs that were watering. Oh no.

“Why did you save it? After I hurt you so much why did you?” Dan questioned him. Phil didn’t know that he had lied all those years ago and he decided he was going to tell him, but he needed to hear Phil’s statement first.

“Yeah, you are right, you hurt me with your words but I hurt you too. You said I made you unhappy, but I kept staring at that picture and I knew our smiles were real. We were happy. I didn’t know what I did to make you so miserable so I’m sorry for whatever I did…” Phil took a breath before continuing, “I saved the picture because deep down I knew I had made you happy at some point in our relationship, the laughs and smiles of that day couldn’t be fake, I know they weren’t. So that’s why it was in my bedside drawer, because everytime I feel down, even though it hurts, I look at and compare it to many of the photos I see of you on Tumblr to see if you have the same smile as you did. And you have it. You have the same smile and I realized that even though we are not together you are happy and that’s what matters.”

Dan was crying, he didn’t expect those words from Phil. He hadn’t done anything wrong, and he still was beating himself up because Dan had lied all those years ago. He just wanted Dan to be happy, and Dan hadn’t done anything to thank him.

“Phil no,” Dan said, leaving the picture on the bed and hugging his friend, who circled his arms around his waist, bringing him in a much needed hug. “Phil, I’m sorry and you are gonna hate me for this but I lied to you all those years ago.”

“What?” Phil whispered, trying to untangle from the hug but Dan didn’t let him.

“I lied to you. I was happy with you. You made me happy. I lied because I was hurt. After the video leaked and I read all those comments I was angry and I wanted to hurt you too. I knew it wasn’t your fault but I was still a kid and I didn’t know how to react… I was in such a bad place with uni and then this, it had been all too much to handle and I eneded up balming you and hurting you. I’m sorry Phil, I’m so sorry.” Dan was fully sobbing now, his face buried on Phil’s neck, whiskers smugged.

Phil was silently crying too, not really making any noise so Dan wouldn’t have to worry about him either. Dan was right. He had been a kid when all of that happened, and even though their relationship had been strong the pressure of fame and the comments had hurt, leading Dan to break their relationship so he didn’t had to deal with all of it. He had been in a bad place then, but Phil understood everything now.

“Dan, shhh Dan… I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.” Phil tried to calm him down, but it didn’t seem to be doing much. “I understand now why you did what you did. I understand. I’m sorry too.”

“But Phil you have nothing to be sor…” Dan tried to explain himself but the blue eyed didn’t let him.

“No, Dan, don’t try to excuse me” Phil grabbed Dan’s head and made him look into his eyes, “you have grown so much since that happened, we both have. I made mistakes too, I hurt you too, and we have learnt from them…”

“I’m glad our friendship was strong enough so I wouldn’t lose you.” Dan whispered to Phil, hanging his head down and picking the discarded photo again, putting the pieces together to look at the picture again. He wasn’t crying anymore, but some of the tears left fell onto the picture.

“You will never lose me. I promise you that,” Phil said, picking up one of the photo’s pieces and lookng at it, “Even if neither of us would want to admit it we needed each other, even as friends, even if we eneded up not speaking for weeks I was reassured that you were still in the flat.” the blue eyed said, knowing Dan felt the same.

Even if they hadn’t spoken for weeks he was glad Dan was in the other room, it was a sign that neither of them was ready to let the other go, that they still needed each other, even if it was a few feet away.

“Wait here…” Phil stood up, leaving Dan confusedly sitting on the bed, but before he could say anything Phil came back with a roll of sticky tape.

Without a word, Phil took the two ripped pieces of the photo and tapped them together, making it whole again. He lifted it and gave it to Dan, “here, for you.”

Dan was deeply touched by Phil’s gesture, but he couldn’t accept it, he had damaged that photo and with that their relationship and Phil had fixed it again for him. He wanted to bitterly laugh at the metaphor, to be honest.

“Phil, I can’t… I ripped it in the first place, I don’t deserve to have it back.” Dan told him, handing it back to him but Phil put his hands behind his back making it impossible to give it to him.

“No, no, it is a ’'no return” gift, now you will have to keep it forever!“ Phil said, a smile on his face.

The blue eyed’s silly antics made Dan laugh and even though he could leave the picture just there, he couldn’t bare himself  to do that.

’'Thank you” Dan sincerely said, looking onto Phil’s eyes and triying to communicate with his gaze what he couldn’t with his words, hoping Phil would understand. Not just for the picture, but for understanding, for forgiving him, for being such a good friend… even if Dan still loved him like he had done years back. He never stopped to be honest.

“No need to thank me, there is nothing sticky tape and a truthful conversation cannot fix.” And with that Phil winked at him, grabbing the sharpie from the nightstand and drawing the whiskers back again in Dan’s face, who smiled widely at him at the gesture.

“Now c'mon, we still have a few questions to answer.” Phil said trying to grab the phone that was on the other side but before he could do it Dan tackled him onto the bed, landing on top of him, grabbing the sharpie from his hand and lifting it to Phil’s face, “yours are smudged too, you spork!”

They both laughed and Dan started his work. Phil didn’t even realize he had his eyes closed when instead of a sharpie he felt a pair of chapped lips on his, making slowly move them, enjoying and remembering the sweet sensation of Dan’s lips he had missed so much.

Once the kiss ended, Dan looked at him, scared of his reaction.

“You know? You laugh at me for having lip-balm on the bedside drawer, but if you plan on kissing me again I suggest you start using some!” Phil told him jokingly, making Dan release a breath he had been holding before hitting him on the chest before burying his head on the crook of Phil’s neck.

“I hate you.” Dan whispered into his ear.

“I hate you too.” Phil responded, before hugging Dan a bit closer, just the sound of their breaths in the room. 

Phil Is Not On Fire 8 could wait.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this story! You can follow me on Tumblr at irphanfic.tumblr.com to know the updates of my phanfics or if you want to prompt me anything. See you next time! :D


End file.
